Sorry, Tsukki
by surnia
Summary: he can't, because he's the one they're crying for


**lmao real creative title **

**I've recently started Haikyuu! (****and unfortunately fell hard for Tsukkiyama and KenHina but w/e****) and I'm too lazy to write everyday for Tsukkiyamafest but I settled on an angsty drabble. Happy Tsukkiyamafest.**

* * *

The first thing Yamaguchi remembers is that he got hit. He was fine, just recovering in the hospital and he'd leave with Tsukki like nothing ever happened. Then he stares down at his translucent hands and at the coffin with his name on it being lowered into the ground and he realizes that ghosts and the afterlife are real, and he's apart of that supernatural world now. He mourns for himself- he wasn't sure if he was being conceited, but he didn't care- as the eulogy drones on and on, but he glances at Tsukki and feels a fresh stab of guilt and mourns for him, too. He realizes that now Tsukki would forget about him, his voice, everything, and that he would never speak to Tsukki again. He sheds an ocean of bitter tears and doesn't stop until his family and friends begin to toss wet dirt over him. He wants to comfort his mother, to comfort Hinata and Asahi and everyone else on his team _but he can't, because he's the one they're crying for_. He settles for sitting comfortably beside his new tombstone and whispering apologies as they step forward and return soil to soil. Then it's Tsukki's turn to toss dirt over his unmoving body and does so without a word. Hinata sputters out a comment on how cold he is, and that he should at least tell Yamaguchi goodbye properly, and the silence makes Yamaguchi cringe in pain, even though he expected no response because he knew Tsukki better than he knew himself.

He hears a chorus of pained farewells and he feels like the goodbyes weren't supposed to be for him. Not now, at least, but decades later when he had finally gone to college and lived a peaceful life with Tsukki beside him, but such a fantasy had been scribbled out and rewritten by the cruel hand of fate. Yamaguchi's tombstone is the only earthly evidence that he had been apart of the universe at all, and it makes Yamaguchi's heart ache (once again, he wasn't sure if he had a heart, let alone a beating one, obviously, but he the somber feeling branched out as it did when he was living.) His eyes catch a head of blond stalking away from his grieving teammates, and Yamaguchi's legs move on their own as he follows close behind, and soon he's walking side by side with Tsukishima as he used to. He wasn't sure if it was because he was once again in his rightful spot by his Tsukki, but he feels like nothing had changed, other than that he couldn't speak to his best friend and he would never be called upon, but he could cope.

He was dead, but he begrudgingly accepted his fate. As long as he could still manage to be by Tsukki until they were reunited.

Tsukishima can't suppress the guilt and sorrow eating and tugging at his heart strings . It was his fault Yamaguchi was nailed shut in a wooden box and left to rot underground, and he can't help but think that their roles should be reversed, that Tsukishima Kei should only be a name on a cold stone and Yamaguchi was supposed to continue living on and forget about him, _but they're not, Yamaguchi is no longer alive_. He turns and leaves the memorial before his teammates notice the tears gleaming like diamonds from behind his glasses and allows the autumn winds shake him to his core. He gasps and freezes when the air around him drops a good twenty degrees and there's something ice cold wrapped around his ribs and a small, barely audible,"Sorry, Tsukki." is whispered and echoes in his ears. He wants to hold on because the burning ring is comforting but its gone as quickly as it appeared. He collapses and breaks into sobs, his cool and strong demeanor shattered into unrepairable shards, but he doesn't care if he's caught weeping like a small child. He screams and expresses his grief as if it was the only thing that mattered.

Because he knows it will be the last time he hears Yamaguchi's voice.


End file.
